Croc 2007 Genius Products   Buy It Now

Sci-Fi Channel just can’t seem to find it in their heart to quit trying to make imitations of Primeval let alone movies in general. If there’s a good review for a Sci-Fi Channel original picture out there, I have yet to read it, and I’m not counting IMDB reviews either. So, if their half-baked sequel to Lake Placid wasn’t bad enough, now they have yet another reptile on a rampage film; Croc, and apparently someone forgot to add the “k” at the end.

Jack McQuade (Peter Tuinstra) runs a crocodile farm in Thailand which has become a tourist attraction. His business is in danger however as the owners of a new resort which happens to be right next door to Jack want his land, but instead of buying it outright, they come up with other plans including sending Evelyn (Sherry Phungprasert) to investigate the alleged mistreatment of the animals. Soon however, the locals and tourists are attacked by a crocodile and the blame is being placed on Jack. While he’s able to clear his name, there’s still a monster out there with a thirst for blood, and Jack as well as Evelyn team up with Croc Hawkins (Michael Madsen) to find the beast before more blood can be shed.

This might very well win the award for the worst movie I have seen from Sci-Fi Channel, but that would mean that I would have to spend money to get said reward made, and much like the movies that air on the network, I just don’t feel like spending any cash. It’s really hard to pick one particular spot in which to illustrate just how bad this movie is, but I believe that it’s the acting first and foremost. Every member of the cast is wooden and uninteresting, not to mention that their acting abilities can be outdone by a group of elementary school children who make up the cast of the third grade play. But when you spend the vast total of $750,000 on your movie and cast in actors who have but a few movies to their name, and most as incidental characters, I suppose you can’t expect much. The problem is that I do, and Sci-Fi Channel never manages to deliver that with their movies.

At one point Croc feels like it wants to be a complete Jaws rip-off, complete with happy, busy tourists enjoying some time in the water. Oh, look. Now we see things from the crocs point of view as he zeroes in on a helpless victim. CUT TO: boyfriend and girlfriend trying to act and achieving poor results. CUT TO: croc POV. CUT TO: me realizing I’m not even half way through the movie yet and there is probably more nonsense to follow, and that’s exactly right. You see, when you’re hunting killer animals, it’s important to have some hunter, Hawkins in this case, who really has a vendetta to settle, the loss of a leg in this case. Also, unimportant things like a side-story involving a relationship, the blossoming romance between Jack and Evelyn, bad guys trying to take land . . . it’s all been done before. It’s almost as if someone took every cliché idea in cinema history, dropped them into a hat and then randomly drew a few out and decided the order in which they would be revealed in order to write the script.

At least there’s a real crocodile . . . sometimes. When the director isn’t using a real animal to showcase him slinking off into the water, it is a computer animated nightmare that is about as fake as a set of nice implants. I guess we can surmise where most of the budget went, for the movie I mean. Croc is almost on par with the CG schlockfest seen in Lake Placid 2, and it just barely manages to rank above that nightmare, but not by much. Add in some rather bland and unimaginative scenes of bloodletting, and nothing graphic or gory, and you have yourself yet another forgettable thriller all courtesy of Sci-Fi Channel.

As far as bonus materials, I guess those weren’t necessary. I’m sure that the actors probably weren’t comfortable doing interviews since they don’t seem to be comfortable doing much else. I don’t think watching a crew member pour too much blood into a swimming pool would have made for a great behind-the-scenes feature either.

Croc is just that, a crock. It seems that presently, Sci-Fi Channel is determined to work in every type of animal they can possibly think of for some tame and boring horror films. Crocodiles, alligators, tigers, mutated spiders . . . . next will be bears, lions, man-eating deer who have been exposed to toxic chemicals, rabid dogs and I’m sure somewhere along the line, kittens. They can be deadly I tell you. Croc is like a drunken night with an overweight sorority girl. No matter how you try and play it off, people are going to make fun of you and after watching this film, I feel like I might need to get checked for diseases.

-mike-