There was a time decades ago when your traveling circus not only was made up of thrills and excitement in the big top, but also an oddity that drew visitors and crowds from near and far. That of course was the sideshow, also known as the freak show. Here you would find human oddities, mysteries of science, and quite honestly, normal people with genetic defects that, at the time, medical science couldn’t yet explain. The days of the freak show are behind us though, most of these humiliating disfigurements can either be cured by modern medicine or the individuals suffering from them have learned how to live life to its fullest and even profit from it without the assistance of a ringmaster.

In 1932, Tod Browning, the same director behind Universal’s Dracula as well as many other films unleashed upon audiences a movie that would definitely leave a mark on the world of cinema. That movie was Freaks, a film that was actually banned in the United Kingdom for 30 years. Billed as a horror film, what set it apart was the cast comprised of actual “freaks’ that you might have found in sideshows. What Browning accomplished may have marred his career, but it’s something that can never be matched again in film.

Well . . . some will try at least.

Freakshow makes an attempt at being this century’s version of Freaks, something that becomes very obvious by this statement on the front cover: in the tradition of Tod Browning’s Freaks. I think I’ve brought this up in a review before, but by classic definition and meaning of the word, a movie CAN NOT be something that starts a “tradition.” If we saw each and every film feature performers as seen in Browning’s film, then yes, tradition would be a fitting parallel, but that’s simply not the case. Even the 1974 movie Freakmaker, also known as The Mutations, doesn’t match what Browning did.

The premise around Freakshow does have quite a bit that it owes to Browning’s film but merely in reinvented plot. A group of thieves has joined a traveling circus as hands to help them set up shop, but that’s not all that’s on their mind. They are more concerned with stealing the money that the groups ringleader Lon (Christopher Adamson) has in his possession and they decide sex is the best way to get close to it. Lucy (Rebekah Kochan) begins working her feminine charm on Lon and soon, he has decided that he wants to marry her. However, other members of the sideshow are suspicious and warn their friend, but she writes it off as mere jealousy. The plan quickly turns bad however when Lucy voices her true opinion of her soon-to-be-family and her accomplices kill one of the sideshows members prompting a hunger for revenge.

Freaks; nearly the same premise as we find a normal trapeze artist marrying a dwarf simply for his inheritance, but the rest of the members of the sideshow are suspicious of her and soon take revenge after she voices her rather blatant opinions of them. Freakshow lacks the heart and the originality of the template that it has stolen and revised. The first issue that I found is that where Freakshow lacks is in its presentation and absence of actual “freaks.” Mighty Mike Murga (Curtis in the film) is a little person and has also been in a number of films aside from this one. The guy has even toured as a part of Motley Crue’s on-stage act, but certainly is a freak by and means. Bill Quinn (Chef) doesn’t’ have legs, but this is a medical condition, and he’s not a part of any sideshow that I’m aware of and certainly isn’t like Johnny Eck, the half-boy in Freaks who did in fact work a side show. Most of the “freaks” in the film have nothing more than medical conditions that are unavoidable and you won’t find anything like conjoined twins of geeks (though we have someone who is supposed to be playing one) anywhere in this movie.

Freakshow doesn’t just fail because of the lack of true “freaks” in the film, though the DVD claims that a cast of actual sideshow performers, but for a number of other reasons. The movie itself is slow and tedious; almost sleep inducing to a certain extent. The acting is melodramatic and almost the type of thing that you might expect to find coming from a high school drama class, but the real fault there comes from the script. The dialog is horrendous, trite, and so ridiculous and mediocre at times that you have to simply sigh and try your best to ignore it, and that’s not easy. The bland and snaillike pacing culminates in a short bit of gore towards the end, something that Browning’s film didn’t have (and no film of that era has) but blood guts, and even the boobs seen sporadically through the presentation can’t save the movie.

There’s also the editing that bring the film down in a number of ways. The use of what appears to be a sepia lens coating doesn’t do wonders for the film, and it seems to get dropped early on, instead replaced with an overuse of fades. I understand that in general, these are to indicate the passage of time, but there are other methods, and it adds to the terrible presentation that Freakshow is. Add in far too much opera and old time music (from the 30’s and 40’s) and you have yet another element that makes this film unbearable to sit through. At the point where there was 40-mintues remaining in the movie, I found myself actually fighting off sleep and yawning far too much.

The only credit that I can give Freakshow is the bonus material on the DVD. Of course, the DVD also wants you to believe that this is the original uncut version, but the movie was released in 2007 and never saw a theatrical release, so using “uncut” is more of a marketing tag than anything else. The film itself includes commentary from director Drew Bell, something worth listening to if you’re a fan of the film by the time the credits roll, but I didn’t even bother. Watching Freakshow once was more than enough. There’s an alternate opening and ending sequence as well as a 15-minute short focusing on one of the characters, Hank, to provide a bit more background on the character. There is also a behind-the-scenes feature, a look at the make-up used for the film and a short on the “freaks’ that are in the movie.

One final thing about Freakshow is the claim that it has been banned in 43 countries. Again, we’re looking at nothing more than a marketing ploy here. Show me the proof; let me see the letters from the 43 countries whose film rating boards refused to allow the movie into the country and I’ll recant this statement, but that’s not going to happen. The only reason it may have been “banned’ was to save video stores and retailers the embarrassment of having to deal with customers coming in demanding their money back for having to sit through a film that isn’t just a not-so-elegantly disguised piece of plagiaristic dribble, but a movie that belongs at the bottom of the heap in a growing list of horror films that simply never should have been made in the first place.

 

-mike-