Is it possible to make a good movie where the main “villain” is a living creature and in this case, spiders? Actually, I don’t think it is, but that’s okay. Sometimes making a bad movie really turns out to be a good thing and this is what has brought us many of the cult classics that are loved today. Face the facts; people love a bad movie if it’s done appropriately, and it can in fact be done. So, the combination of spiders, bad acting, and William Shatner can’t be all bad.

Kingdom of the Spiders is regard as being maybe one of the worst movies ever made by some when it comes to the nature gone mad genre of films, but being so bad is what makes it so good. In Verde Valley, Arizona, something just isn’t quite right. A local farmer, Walter Colby (Woody Strode), has his prized calf attacked by something, but he’s not sure quite what. Robert "Rack" Hansen (Shatner) does a bit of investigation and finds traces of venom in the carcass which he sends to be analyzed. An entomologist soon arrives and Diane Ashley (Tiffany Bolling,) confirms that it is in fact venom, but from spiders.

This is merely the beginning of what’s to come. As Hansen and Ashley continue to investigate the case, and Hansen shows how much of a womanizer he really is, things turn into a nightmare. The use of pesticides has disturbed the natural order of things and without their normal food source; the area tarantulas have decided that livestock, domestic pets, and even humans are the perfect substitute. Instead of the usual solitary existence they live, they have banded together and now Hansen and the other residents find themselves looking for safety from nature gone amuck.

Being made in the late 70’s, this was apparently before doing research on a topic was important. In case you weren’t already aware, the idea of a tarantula bite being poisonous and capable of killing a human is complete nonsense. Sure, they have big fangs and you certainly wouldn’t want to get bit by one, but even if you did, it would be just like a bee sting and the chances of it killing you are slim. Some have theorized that the belief of the spider being a deadly killer can actually be attributed to a relative, the Brazilian wandering spider which now holds the Guinness World Record as being the most venomous animal on the planet.

Education aside though, Kingdom of the Spider is a hilarious movie, and not just because of the inaccuracies. First, we’re dealing with another commonly seen element in 70’s films, and that is that the leading man gets the girl . . . always. Hansen might do it in record time and starts hitting on Ashley almost the moment that she arrives, and this includes some badly written dialog that I don’t think would win any woman over. The only thing that Hansen doesn’t do is slap her on the ass or pull what I will now refer to in light of recent media coverage as a “Rob Lowe.”

But, love will have to wait. The two begin to theorize about cause of the recent spider attacks and an ant hill that has been overtaken by the spiders is soon set ablaze in hopes of stopping them. A good idea, but we all know it won’t work. The spiders soon begin a full assault . . . of comedy, though unintentional. If you’ve ever watched a tarantula, they are quite slow in comparison to just about everything, so the idea of them overtaking a town, no matter how small is comedy gold. You’ll see people in the streets wrapped in webs apparently from the spiders, though no matter how many of them there are, they aren’t nearly enough to drag their kills off to a lair and feed on them later. So, corpses simply sit in the hot sun ready to begin the process of decomposing.

The only choice of survival soon becomes for those who have not become victims to hole up in a small house. It’s a definite Night of the Living Dead moment, though without the zombies obviously. But, with the number of spiders that you see in the movie which are actually killed, I’m surprised that some of them didn’t return from the dead. Again, keep in mind that this was the 70’s, so animal rights groups weren’t busy sticking their noses in everything like they are today. No matter how safe our victims think they are, the spiders seem to find a way into the house and basically make a nuisance of themselves.

Kingdom of the Spiders may be billed as horror film, but it really feels like it should be classed as a comedy. There are far too many things in the movie to laugh at and have fun with. It’s the type of movie that you’d expect to see as a part of Mystery Science Theater, but it doesn’t seem to have made it into their list of films to poke fun at. Then again, there are some many of them. This was also made at a point where Shatner hadn’t elevated himself to the Denny Crane level, and his acting is quite bad, but still entertaining, but it’s not nearly as bad as some of the other cast members.

The DVD however doesn’t include any bonus material. There’s not even a preview but instead you are taken immediately to the menus of the disc where you can watch the movie or access the scenes. Come on, no one wanted to do commentary? There had to have been a preview somewhere that could have been included, and I really doubt we’ll be seeing a special edition of this movie released.

This is one of those pieces of bad B cinema where a drinking game can be based completely around it, and if you know and understand this ahead of time, you will know what you should expect. Kingdom of the Spiders isn’t about award winning performances, it’s not about lavish sets, it has horrible music, a weak script, and several moments that will make you laugh instead of scaring you as intended. This is what makes Kingdom of the Spiders a gem of a bad film that can be balked at, enjoyed, and regrettably remembered.

-mike-