Dario Argento...Italian savant of the giallo film; a stylized genre of murderous and exploitive thrillers popularized in early 1960’s literature and brought to cinematic life late in that decade and mastered by Argento and pals such as Mario Bava, Lucio Fulci, Umberto Lenzi and others throughout the 70’s.  Not all appreciate Argento’s borderlne insane use of color and sound to paint landscapes which extended far deeper than the screen, however very few will attempt to say that the director was anything less than a master. 

There’s a funny thing about masters of a craft, however.  It seems that while they can be absolutely gifted at something like say, cooking, if you were to put that cook in the pilot seat of a seasoned test pilot...well, lets just say the results wouldn’t be the same.  Maestro Argento should never have stopped making the formulaic giallo films which made him famous; the films which he held a mastery of. 

Beginning with his 1998 rendition of The Phantom Of The Opera, Argento has been straying further from his roots and developing a new “style”...or perhaps merely abandoning his old one.  Regardless of the specifics, the generalization is that his works have been no where near the level of the films which made him a horror-household name (Suspiria, Tenebrae, Opera) for several years now...and if Jenifer is any indication, things are only getting worse. 

I am not going to blame this one entirely on Argento, as this story was not written by the horror aficionado, but there must be some accountability for the fact that he chose to direct this story.  And it surely is the story itself and the screenplay which conveys it which is the most obvious weak link in this installment of Showtime’s “Masters Of Horror” series...an installment made almost entirely of weak links.

Jenifer was written by Steven Weber, whom you will know from Steven King’s Desperation, Steven King’s The Shining mini-series, and of course the hit USA Network show “Wings”.  He was filming Desperation with director and founder of Masters Of Horror, Mick Garris, when Garris mentioned that the show needed a new story, prompting Weber to recall a story out of a classic Eerie Comic he had been a fan of for some time.  The story told the tale of a man who rescues a mute woman with the body and sexuality of a goddess, but the deformed face of a Morlock from a would-be killer.  With no one to care for her, and no way for her to fend for herself, he takes her under his wing.

What he doesn’t expect is the strange, almost supernatural, allure that this woman possesses, and soon he is giving in to her physical charms, despite her gruesome visage.  As this mystery woman manages to seduce him more and more, she also begins to show her true nature...a nature which is quite shocking, quite unstoppable, and quite unexpected...

...or not.  You see, I never read the particular comic that this is based on, nor did I have any familiarity with it; however, within the first scene it became obvious not only where this film was going, but also what the twist at the end would be.  It isn’t that I had some idea, or that it was “probably” going to be the way I predicted...it was simply OBVIOUS.  But despite this fact, I still wanted to see how we got from point A to the ultimate point B.  The answer?  The most unbelievable, irresponsible, unexplained and exasperating way imaginable...that’s how.

During the entirety of this film I found myself talking to the TV...no, not talking...I was getting ANGRY at the TV.  “Why the HELL would he do that?”  “This makes no sense whatsoever.”  “You can’t be serious...we can’t be expected to believe that!”  And on and on went my rants and my raves, because you see, Jenifer is one big question mark after another.  I learned a thing or two about suspension of disbelief during my film schooling, but the leaps this film makes are too wide I assure you.  Without some further form of explanation, this film simply doesn’t work.  This is unfortunate seeing as how you already know the ending in the first five minutes and only watch the rest to GET those explanations which it turns out aren’t coming.

What you DO get in this Masters Of Horror installment is a boat load of gore and some very graphic sexual situations.  In fact, this particular episode of the series is the only one to receive cuts to it prior to airing!  Of course, there is always Takeshi Miike’s Imprint, which was not aired at all, but that is a different story, I suppose.  The two cuts both involve oral sex, one depicted far too graphically in a sexual scenario and the other depicted FAR TOO GRAPHICALLY in a horrific moment of carnage!  You can see these scenes in the bonus materials if you look hard enough...haha, I said hard enough...ahem...moving on...

Despite these cuts, there is plenty still here to satisfy any gore hound or soft-core aficionado, but all but the most indiscriminate horror fans will simply not be satisfied with the amount of story...  I really can’t say it enough; the acting was fine, the effects were first rate...there was simply no way to follow this story without wanting more.  I suppose this is the danger of basing a film on a short work that only makes up a single section of one comic book issue.  Not a lot to go on with a foundation that limited.

Of particular fascination and further disappointment to me was the fact that the musical score for Jenifer was created by Claudio Simonetti of the Italian progressive rock group Goblin.  These guys put together some of the greatest film soundtrack work ever heard with their scores for Argento’s Suspiria and Tenebrae (among others), and quickly became a huge influence on my own music after I discovered their unique sound (not to mention they inspired my favorite band of all time, Skinny Puppy).  Upon hearing that Simonetti would once again be putting music down for an Argento film, the news was almost too good to be true!  Unfortunately, the music wasn’t. 

I believe this is just another example of the issue that I have with Jenifer.  The entire work is staffed with fantastic talent and not a single one of them brings their “A” game to this film, with the notable exception of actress Carrie Anne Fleming who was put through some serious latex and karo syrup hell to nail her role.  Kudos to her for making it look effortless to chew the guts out of a dying house cat.  Bravissimo!

Of course there is the usual generous helping of extra features that I have come to expect from Masters Of Horror releases, but it is still a relief to see that Showtime and Anchor Bay have partnered so well in giving us horror fans a bevy of quality featurettes, interviews, tributes, biographies, commentaries and so much more.  In fact, with this particular release, the look at Argento’s history, the talks with Goblin’s Simonetti and the interview with the director himself are all so exciting to me that the film seemed like the bonus feature to the rest of this material.

I have been waiting for Argento to reclaim his status as...well...a master of horror for quite some time now; unfortunately this just isn’t that time.  Perhaps in his season two installment, Pelts, he will redeem himself, but given the fact that it is an erotic thriller about stolen raccoon skins...well...I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

-aaron-