I really have a hard time with people who have forgotten what it is they do for a living.  If you wanted to make it your job to carry garbage from the curb to a truck, you should have become a trash collector...not say an airline attendant.  If you wanted to make your living by building skyscrapers, you should not have become a dentist.  We see this every day in the world...people who have forgotten what it is they do for a living and who attempt to carry out the professions of others; usually with little to no skill and/or success.

There are those few policemen who try to be the judge, jury and the one to meet out the sentence.  There are high school aged kids who think they are already professional racecar drivers, making fools of themselves in their ridiculous Honda Accords with completely useless spoilers.  There are teachers, principles and school board members who feel it is their job to pass on or withhold information from our kids on religion and sexuality (remember when these were taught more effectively at home?).  But none of these groups of people who have clearly lost their way (and their minds) like the filmmakers.

When the hell did the ability to direct some entertaining and silly horror spoofs like Gremlins, The ‘Burbs, or Piranha, or even some GREAT films like The Howling, give a person license to become a soapbox political activist and bore the living crap out of an audience all while passing it off as a horror movie? 

Hollywood has always been a breeding ground for political statements...but unfortunately, Hollywood has also always been the breeding ground for over-important stuffed shirts who think they have a handle on the world at large, when more often then not their educational level is less than yours or mine.  Never has the onslaught of mediocre minds belching out agonizing tales of indignant angst been more prominent than right now...and never have we soaked it up like pathetic sponges more than now either.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t care so much...I have my opinions and political views and I’m sticking to them; you can feel free to disagree.  But when it begins to screw around with the horror genre, and when such a shameless and skill-less diatribe as Homecoming can suddenly be deemed worthy of entry into this decades most original and groundbreaking event in horror (Showtime’s Masters Of Horror series); well, the time has come to speak out.

The Masters Of Horror series, as you all should well know by now, is one of the most groundbreaking events to take place in our favorite genre in quite some time.  Simply put, Showtime has commissioned the top names and talents in horror film’s past and present to prepare a one hour film...no holds barred...and enter it into this anthology to be run uncut and unedited; shown exactly as the filmmakers intended them to be.

So far the series as a whole has been a dichotomy.  Some of the films have been brilliant, and others extreme disappointments.  A few of these horror filmmakers have really proven their metal and further secured their place amongst the best of the best.  A few others have dropped the ball entirely; proving again where they rank in the grand scheme of things.  But not until this release has there been a film which can’t even be called a horror film...by any stretch of the imagination.  At first, I lambasted Mick Garris for his entry into the series, Chocolate.  Garris is the one responsible for the Masters Of Horror series ever getting off the ground and for this he deserves the thanks of many a genre fan, but his entry was more suspense, sci-fi, or just thriller than I would have cared for.  But Homecoming...  Homecoming is to horror films what McDonalds’ quarter-pounder patty is to meat.  They say it’s meat.  They put it in a fast food place where meat is normally found.  It even looks like meat in the pictures on the menu.  But whatever it is...just isn’t meat anymore.

The basic premise of this foolhardy and errant campaign disguised as a film goes something like this: 

A George Bush-ian president states on national television that if he had one wish, it would be for the troops who have died fighting in the Middle East to come back and tell us how important the struggle and cause that they died for is.  Fittingly enough...they soon begin to; rising from their military cemetery plots and descending in waves upon the cities of the living.  At first, there is confusion and fear, but it soon becomes obvious that these undead soldiers are not here to claw at our flesh or consume our brains (both of which would have been better); but instead they are here to...cast their votes. 

Falling at the exact time of a reelection these zombie soldiers march into voting booths across the nation and *SHOCK!* vote against the president!  Oh no! What a twist of events!  Of course the presidents Carl Rove-esque man just pulls one of those patented switcheroos which “mysteriously” are never explained in either real life or here on the small screen, and the president wins anyways!!  Oh no!  Another shocking revelation in this riveting and poignant tale!  Uggg...

For crying out loud people...seriously.  I don’t care where you party lines are drawn, or if you even have any.  I as you can tell am completely amused by the particular views expressed in this TV movie, and it shouldn’t be to hard to guess where I stand on the fence...but the worst part about this film for me wasn’t even the fact that its views are so ridiculous.  This is a series called MASTERS OF HORROR.  This is not called Dudes Who Make Horror Movies Now Use The Format For Their Personal Agendy. 

Sure there are some zombies, but if that is really all it takes, go rent yourself Passion Of The Christ.  Jesus comes back from the dead at the end and there is some seriously gruesome stuff going down along the way...more than I can say for Homecoming, which besides a little zombie makeup is completely devoid of anything remotely interesting to horror fans. 

I’m sure that this tale will make lots of people all fuzzy in their groins cause it makes light of and ridicules the war, the political right, our soldiers, their deaths, and a bunch of other stuff that Joe Dante wouldn’t know anything about had he not read the short story "Death & Suffrage" (Dale Bailey) which this is based on.  But for horror fans...there is nothing here at all.  Nothing.  I can’t even comment on the extra features as I chose to go watch an actual horror movie instead of sitting through any more political lessons from an unqualified teacher.

Normally this is the part of the review where I would say that in order to complete your collection of Masters Of Horror DVDs you should go buy this anyway.  Fortunately for you, the lack of this title on your shelf will not take away one bit from the collection, as it has no business being in it at all.

-aaron-