There are bad movies.  There are really bad movies.  There are really, really bad movies.  And then there is S.I.C.K.: Serial Insane Clown Killer.

I couldn't really think of another way to start off this review other than that.  I just felt that it was important to let you know up front that this film is pretty damn awful and doesn't have a redeeming quality within it anywhere.  But I suppose I should let you in on a little more than that, otherwise this isn't much of a review at all now, is it?  

Basically, a dorky guy, Brandon, gets some people together for a weekend at his parent's secluded cabin.  The friends he rounds up are just as dorky, if not more so, and pretty soon we have ourselves a veritable gaggle of idiots spending a weekend in the wild.  Along the way, they find themselves a tag-along who is equal parts mega-slut and creepy-freak...and who is apparently being stalked by some psycho she just escaped from.  But all of that is nothing that a little pot smoking and gratuitous sex won't fix!

Speaking of sex, I was a little confused as to how the lead character, Brandon, is cast as a studly ladies man who not only brings the unobtainable girl from work to the woods and bones her, but also gets to bone the hotty vixen that the group finds along the way.  Brandon, you see, is not the hunkiest of leading men that I have seen in a while; so why is he getting all the action?  Oh wait!  It seems that Brandon is played by actor Ken Hebert...who also happens to be WRITER Ken Hebert...ahhh how the muddled comes clear...  No wonder this particular character is so out of balance with the rest, but this is only a friends in the woods movie after all.

But wait!  In a surprise twist (sarcasm definitely intended) one of the group goes missing and strange warnings are soon found around the cabin and in the surrounding woods.  The only thing more disturbing than the idea of what could have happened to the missing person, is the fact that the remaining occupants decide the best way to find someone who must have had something terrible happen to them is to wander into the same woods that the person has gone missing disappeared in...and then split up... 

I actually was sort of glad when the group decides to split up, because these idiots do nothing but fight and argue.  For a group of friends willing to spend time in a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere, they sure don't seem to like each other very much.  I am sure that all this tension was written into the script to provide some sort of emotional build-up, but instead it just makes you wait fervently for the next fools demise...a process which does not pay off like you would think.

If the writing is bad, then the gore and FX are worse.  That is only if you acquiesce to the fact that there IS any gore or FX.  My favorite moments are when the evil clown killer (don't take the title literally or you will think that clowns are getting killed, but it is actually a clown doing the killing.  Good to know!) applies his clown guise with makeup and by hand; then moments later, he can be seen strolling through the woods with a full-on rubber mask...good stuff. 

It is too bad that we couldn't enjoy the killer a little more here, because it would be a real treat to be able to root for him.  Think about how much the "actors" in a horror film like Jason vs. Freddy just pain suck; now imagine how delightful it is when Jason kills off a bunch of the ****ers.  Not only do we want to see these poorly developed and horribly acted characters die, but we love Jason to death.  It is like the whole "two great tastes that taste great together" Reeses Peanut Butter Cup commercials (if you remember these than you are old enough to stay away from S.I.C.K. just because of the wisdom of years...).  Horrible actors + awesome killer = satisfied audience.  Horrible actors + ridiculous and ineffective killer = how can I get the DVD store to exchange this disc...

Normally I like to say some nice stuff about every film that I review, but all I can say about this one is that the look of the film is a little cleaner than I would have expected.  Whether done with better equipment or better digital effects in post-production, I am not sure, but you don't feel like you are watching the home movies of the two disturbed kids next door as you do with some low budget horror flicks.  It is almost too bad...I certainly began to expect a little more when I saw that the quality of production was a bit higher...

Oh well, there is really not much else to say.  If you really, truly are a fan of the worst horror movies you can find then maybe...I said MAYBE...pick up this one.  But if you like bad horror for the hot, naked girls or the great and hilarious gore moments, or for the classic killers, you won't find any of those here.  Basically this one did nothing for me except make me feel a little S.I.C.K.

- aaron -