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I can assure that Cougar Club is not a documentary film about the Cougar Club of America, a group that, in their own words, is dedicated to the appreciation and preservation of the Mercury Cougar. Instead, it’s a comedy, or at least that’s the claim, about the not so elusive cougar, the women, not the animal. Spence Holmes (Jason Jurman) and his friend Hogan (Warren Kole) have just graduated from college but don’t’ seem to have too much lined up for themselves. The both take jobs at a law firm that focuses on divorce settlements and their bosses, Mr. Archibald (Jon Polito) and Mr. Stack (Joe Mantegna) aren’t the best bosses in the world to work for. They ridicule the two each and every chance they get, but the boys have come up with a plan. With so many middle aged, horny women now available to them, they are going to start the Cougar Club, a prestigious group where they will charge their friends for the luxury of having sex with these ladies, and that includes a few wives as well, but their secret club may not be as secret as they believe it to be. It’s official; the days of the 80’s comedy are officially dead. Cougar Club wants to badly imitate the coming of age story that was so often seen during the 80’s, and this also meant plenty of topless women and raunchy humor. Porky’s and Revenge of the Nerds are probably the two best examples of this, but the 80’s were filled with crude and raunchy movies that you might get a laugh or two out of but were guaranteed that you would see at least one pair of breasts and probably more than that. Cougar Club is everything that 80’s comedies weren’t, though three some similarities. The film eventually degenerates into nothing more than a party that quickly turns into a sex orgy, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, it simply isn’t funny. Nothing about this movie is funny as a matter of fact, and the only ones that I think might be laughing are the producers if you decide to buy this movie or even rent it. At no point while watching this film did I feel compelled to laugh, smile, chuckle or anything else of that nature, and even the prospect of topless women wasn’t enough to keep my attention. I’m quite fine with lurid, raunchy cinema and I’m not bothered by it in the least. I actually appreciate it as a matter of fact, but Cougar Club deserves no appreciation. Nothing about this film is funny; not the attempts at sight gags, not the predictable moments that you can see coming a mile away, not the juvenile name calling and insults that become more of an annoyance than anything else. Cougar Club is the type of film that actually might make women rethink using the term “cougar” and instead want to come up with something else, and putting someone in the film like Joanie Laurer, better known to many as ex-WWE superstar Chyna, isn’t the type of thing that is going to make the movie more appealing. You may as well just add in Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah to make sure that things stay flaccid. Cougar Club boasts that it has topless menus, which is actually quite true, and to the best of my knowledge, this may be the only DVD that has such a feature outside of the adult entertainment world. You have the option of two ladies, and it can be a tough decision; do I choose the cute looking Asian girl first, or the blond with the big rack? It doesn’t matter, you can go back and select again. Cougar Club has some rather bland extras such as bloopers, deleted scenes and outtakes, but it really isn’t anything that makes that helps to improve the value of an already horrible film. If you
hadn’t already clued in, Cougar Club is one of the clubs that
you definitely don’t want to be joining. This is probably one of the
single worst excuses for a comedy that I think I have ever had the
misfortune of watching, especially since there is really no comedy
to be found. Just because you might think there’s a little T&A in
the film doesn’t mean that it’s worth watching and a pair of breasts
can’t improve a terrible movie no matter what it is.
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