When it comes to family entertainment in cinema, if it’s not a subject that is animated, then it’s about animals. Hollywood has been utterly relentless over the past year or so with animal movies, and unfortunately there are no signs of slowing. Firehouse Dog is merely the latest in the deluge, though at least there’s no penguins in the movie (I’ve had it with the penguins) but even so, it’s another example of low grade entertainment.

The dog of course is the star, at least he’s supposed to be, and we’re introduced to him right from the beginning, but this pooch is a bit different from those usually seen in film. Rexxx is the biggest star in Hollywood on four legs, but his latest movie isn’t something he’s interested in. Thanks to an accident, Rexxx manages to find freedom from the limelight and meets Shane Fahey (Josh Hutcherson.) Shane however thinks that the dog is just an ordinary mutt and after taking the dog to his father’s workplace, a fire station, the decision is to put up fliers and find the dogs owner. But soon “Dewy” (the name on the collar which is merely for the movie) shows that he has skills beyond just an average dog and soon becomes the fire departments mascot. The station however is on the verge of closing and when Rexxx’s owner finally comes to get him, it looks like the show is over, or is it?

The first major problem with Firehouse Dog is that it’s far too long especially when you consider that the real “fans” of a movie such as this should be under the age of 10. Just nine minutes shy of two-hours, Firehouse Dog tries to put itself just a step above some of the other family films by mixing in some “heartfelt” moments. There’s a subplot about Shane’s Uncle Mark who died in a tragic fire that was set by an arsonist. It should be very easy to see exactly how everything is going to tie together, and it most certainly does. The arsonist of course is still at large but making more plans, and it’s going to be up to one dog to set everything right. Unfortunately, the time taken to get to this point is astronomical and drags the film down to an unbearable and unwatchable level.

What’s worse is that Firehouse Dog also focuses on Rexxx and his fears and tragedy. Okay, so the dog needs some personality since he’s not of the talking variety, but he is of the type where putting him in clothing and having him do tricks is supposed to make it more entertaining, but if nothing else, it becomes annoying, predictable, and a journey into territory that has been overdone far too many times to count. There used to be a completely different breed of “boy and his dogs films” such as Lassie, Old Yeller and even Big Red, but the more true to life and realistic approaches have been cast away. Firehouse Dog is yet another far-fetched, ridiculous fantasy film that is hot on the heels of other movies such as Air Bud and Bingo.

More than anything else, Firehouse Dog really feels like it’s just another vehicle, not for a dog, but rather Josh Hutcherson. While Josh is a very talented young actor and was really the brightest spot in not-so-fantasy driven Bridge to Terabithia, even he can’t save the film. It sint’ that he’s overshadowed by the dog nor anyone else in the cast, but Firehouse Dog is simply a haphazardly thrown together train wreck of a film that is insulting to watch, no matter what age bracket you’re a part of.

Despite my disdain for the movie, I will at least give some credit where it is do, and that would be the bonus features. While I don’t think the younger film watching public cares much about added features on DVD’s, there really is quite a bit here. Fox and doster.com ran a promotion for the release of the Firehouse Dog and there are a ton of pictures here of the entrants. The Dog Treats section is like a mini-behind-the-scenes section that looks at the stunts, the firehouse, and things of that nature. There is a storyboard to film comparison as well, and this is one the features that I honestly don’t think most people who are attracted to a film of this variety would have any interest in, but who knows? Maybe it could be just the thing to inspire a future film director (but kids, no movies like this.)

Firehouse Dog: A True Hollywoof Story is something of a parody of the E True Hollywood Story but instead focuses on the fictional Rexxx and his life in the industry. The Fox Movie Channel is always good about lending some promotional assistance to hype their upcoming films, and the same is true here as the Casting Sessions are featured. Firehouse Dog, as mentioned, is incessantly long, but apparently could have been even longer, something made evident by the deleted scenes included. There is also a PSA that Josh did for the Humane Society, a good tie-in to the film actually, a poster gallery, and even a look at the theatrical trailer.

Those involved in the production of Firehouse Dog should tuck their tails between their legs and slink off in shame. This is like the mess that the dog left on the rug that you discovered just a little too late, and much in the same way, to quote on critic, “It stinks.” Actually, I guess that was The Critic, but I think he’d agree and Firehouse Dog is better left a stray begging on the back porch than a pet in your DVD library.

-mike-