Remakes, they are both a blessing and a curse, and all too often, they end up being a curse. The initial problem is that most of the time, those going to see remakes of films have no idea there was another version that was made in the past, and most of the times, the original versions are far superior to their counterparts. There are films as well that really didn't need to be remade in the first place. Over the past few years, Japan has had a crop of films that have been remade under the banner of Hollywood, often to the disgust of fans of the original. Ringu, one of Japan's highest grossing horror films begat The Ring while more recently Juon was remade as The Grudge. Before that however, someone decided that it would be a fantastic idea to remake another classic Japanese film; Godzilla.

This wouldn't be the first time this had taken place however. The original Godzilla, made back in 1954, wasn't necessarily a remake, but there was a bit of revision done to the film. The Japanese characters were gone for the most part, and the star of the show was Mr. Perry Mason himself, Raymond Burr. It's painfully obvious to tell where the scenes were added due to the difference in film quality. Luckily however, we would see the original Godzilla as it should have been seen: minus Burr. But, he would return to star in Godzilla 1980, the first attempt at making an American version of the film, but fans weren't quite as interested. As technology in films improved however, again someone in Hollywood thought they could take a crack at the film, this time relying on computer animation to replace a guy in a rubber suit.

That was the second mistake, the first being the simple fact that American producers even had the idea that we could do the films better than the Japanese. We might have advancements in filmmaking, but nothing beats the often times ridiculous nature of the Godzilla movies. Next, the film was handed over to the producers of Independence Day, the large budget, special effects ridden theatrical fiasco that left many a theater patron stunned, not at the fact that the film had a huge number of special effects, but at the fact that Hollywood even tried to pass the trite off as a good film going experience. And now, Godzilla was hopelessly caught in the same web.

In our version of Godzilla, years of nuclear testing done by the French has mutated an average lizard into a huge destructive force. The United States military has been called in to investigate and has also enlisted the assistance of a biologist, Niko Tatopoulos (Matthew Broderick) who is an expert in the field of changes due to radiation. But, there's a problem, this creature seems to have a destination in mind: New York City.

The reptile, called Godzilla or Gojira in Japanese mythology, begins destroying New York, as does the military, but Nick discovers the reason why. It seems that the creature is pregnant and is looking for a place to lay its eggs. But, Nick ends up off the project after his ex-girlfriend Audrey (Maria Pitillo), who also happens to be aspiring to be a reporter, steals some sensitive top secret footage of the creature and has it broadcast on the nightly news. Luckily, the French have sent in their own group to get rid of Godzilla, and Philippe Roache (Jean Reno) has Nick join up with them to eliminate the threat.

Here's a good example right from the start on how well received this movie was by those that had watched enough Godzilla films. Columbia/Tri-Star kept the design and look of their Godzilla under wraps until after the film was released. This meant an onslaught of toys and so on to promote the film. My friend and I went to a local store with his son after the movie had opened to find the toys well stocked. We hadn't said a word to each other about them, but his then 7-year-old son looked at the toys, looked at us, looked at the toys again and then boldly stated, "THAT isn't Godzilla." Well, he was right.

This was the first problem with fans. The classic rubber suit kaiju that we all loved for so many years was gone, replaced by a completely computer animated beast, and it wasn't a pretty sight. The new Godzilla looks like nothing more than a reject for Jurassic Park, and a bad one at that. If you think about it, while he may be a monster, G has always had somewhat of a friendly look, even in the new movies, and that has been part of the appeal. Hollywood however viewed him more as a dinosaur gone wild, and that didn't make anyone happy, save perhaps those involved in the production of the film, and especially not Toho who took back their creation after our movie was released, but I can't say that I blame them.

Aside from making Godzilla a computer animated creation, though you will find a few instances that don't rely on it, the movie is an utterly dreadful attempt at America once again thinking that they are the best one suited to recreate something that wasn't their doing in the first place. The plot is utterly pointless and becomes nothing more than an excuse to destroy famous New York landmarks. Godzilla vs. Mothra, Ghidora, or Mechagodzilla is one thing, but G vs. the human race is becomes a tired method of storytelling. But, remember that we're talking about the producers on ID4 here, so we've already seen man against alien, and more recently man facing off against nature in The Day After Tomorrow, another film that has been hyped as nothing more than a special effects movie.

Godzilla easily falls prey to all of the trappings of Hollywood mainstream features. We've got our romance that comes into play between Nick and his ex-girlfriend, though there are those elements of betrayal, but he main problem with that isn't necessarily the premise, but Broderick's acting. He's nearly too calm and collected following his dismissal without the slightest hint of anger. Why romance in a Godzilla film? It's not needed, and I can't think of one instance where I saw Godzilla getting touchy-feely with Rodan or Spigra. And why would that be? Well, as a friend of mine so bluntly put it, because it's lame.

It's also important to have the inclusion of a sidekick who is either a complete moron or has a smart-alecky attitude, and that's where Hank Azaria comes in. The popular voice actor from The Simpson's plays Victor "Animal" Palotti, a cameraman who works for the same station that Audrey is working for and, surprisingly, actually give one of the better performances in the film. But, it's not nearly enough to save the movie, and that goes beyond just the horrendous recreation of Godzilla, but some of the utterly ridiculous aspects of the film. Two examples in this category. First off, the military attempts to destroy Godzilla shortly after he arrives in New York by locking on with heat-seeking missiles, but no one, not even the scientists that have been brought in, even think about the fact that being a reptile, it's a cold-blooded creature and thus more of NYC is destroyed. Later, Nick's ex steals an important videotape for the news that is clearly labeled "Top Secret." How convenient for her.

If this isn't bad enough, then we get the hatching of the babies, 200 of them to be exact, in a scene that has Jurassic Park written all over it. Remember those scenes with the raptors? That's what you're going to get here, but not nearly as entertaining or even original. And let's not forget that Nick discovers that Godzilla is pregnant by simply testing some of its blood with home pregnancy tests. Whatever. I can handle the ridiculous things in Japan's Godzilla films; our version just takes it to a level that it doesn't need to go to.

The additional features on the disc are almost as unimpressive as the movie itself. The featurette is a teaser that I'm sure was ran prior to the film being released, but although it's short, it becomes very annoying, especially to hear the producers talk about how they believe that the new Godzilla is what the creators would have wanted. I doubt that, and it wasn't what the fans wanted. The Godzilla Takes New York segment is nothing more than a still before and after shots of NYC before the CG was mixed in. You also will find trailers for the movie and well as promotional material, and even feature commentary with the special FX supervisor, if you're that curious about the lengths they went to in order to destroy a classic.

Let's look at things this way; American's would be pleased if Japan tried to remake a film that was near and dear to our hearts, like the original Star Wars trilogy for example. We'd find it to be sacrilegious, and besides, we already have Lucas himself to destroy them as it is, but I'm sure you see the point here. This Godzilla though is a film that didn't need to happen and shouldn't have happened. When even children under the age of 10 can't accept this as being the real deal, that should illustrate the point to perfection.

Now, let us never speak of the film again.

-mike-